Finn is a soft-white cheese produced at Neal's Yard Creamery, Hereford, England. It takes on a mushroomy and nutty taste as it matures, just like this newsletter. Meanwhile today's Monday morning cheddlines are full of people who are absolutely no fun anymore. From Tesla to Apple to Meta, the only people out there who are providing any amusement whatsoever are a desperate cinema chain slinging popcorn for a still vastly inflated price and calling it a bargain: Lighten up! —Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor P.S. It wouldn't be a Monday without an eerily human-looking robot on our 'gram. |
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"It was a pledge made with the best of intentions – but we should not have made a promise we were not absolutely sure we could deliver." — Nick Clegg |
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1. Can Tesla Stock Recover After First Sales Drop? |
For the first time in over a decade, Tesla reported a decline in its annual vehicle deliveries last week. The fall is due to stiff competition from Chinese rivals. Shares dropped by over 6% following the announcement. Musk has famously said he doesn't care about boosting the company's stock price, which is ironic because it is up more than 1,200% in the past five years.
Tesla is still the premier EV maker globally, even as it contends with intense competition from Chinese counterpart BYD. Investor expectations of a robust fourth quarter for Tesla were fueled by cost reductions and vehicle discounts aimed at boosting consumer interest. In October, Tesla surprised with higher-than-anticipated quarterly profits and projected a modest increase in vehicle deliveries for 2024. Musk optimistically forecasted a 20–30% sales growth for Tesla vehicles in 2025. Now, investors are nervous he may have been overoptimistic. On the other hand, he does tend to be right more often than he's wrong, so who knows?
The affordability of Chinese EVs and concerns about the slowing growth in the EV market have cast a shadow over the industry in the past year. Musk's political activities, including significant support for Donald Trump's election campaign, have also intertwined Tesla with political developments. Tesla's complex supply chain and ties with China may also see repercussions from Trump's proposed tariffs on imported goods.
Musk's strategic shift towards autonomous driving, artificial intelligence, and robotics is anticipated to become Tesla's primary revenue stream, with plans to launch the self-driving Cybercab by 2027. Tesla also confirmed it would not pursue the previously speculated affordable $25,000 Model 2 but expects to release a new model priced below $30,000 after subsidies. If you own Tesla stock, should you hold it, or is it at its peak? What do you think? Read More |
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2. New Warning Labels for Alcohol? Surgeon General Calls for Cancer Risk Awareness |
The U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, has proposed a new label for alcoholic beverages to warn Americans about the link between alcohol consumption and cancer. The advisory comes amid mounting research highlighting the negative impacts of alcohol on health.
Alcohol is the "third leading preventable cause" of the big C in America after tobacco and obesity, Murthy writes. Next thing you know he'll be telling us all it can make you drunk.
Currently, alcoholic beverages carry toooootal buzzkill labels that warn pregnant women against drinking and advise against driving while intoxicated. The proposed new label would specifically address the increased risk of cancer associated with alcohol consumption.
Alcohol consumption is responsible for nearly one million preventable cancer cases in the U.S. over the past decade, and about 20,000 deaths per year are attributed to alcohol-related cancers. The more alcohol a person consumes, the greater the risk.
Despite Murthy's advisory and mounting evidence, it is unlikely that Congress will swiftly approve a new warning label on alcohol products. The implementation of a cancer warning label would likely face strong opposition from the beverage industry, which spends nearly $30 million annually lobbying Congress.
Companies that produce alcoholic beverages traded lower on the news with Anheuser-Busch InBev (parent company of brands like Budweiser and Corona) down 2.2%, while Diageo (which makes Guinness and Smirnoff) fell 3.5%. Read More |
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| Robots are getting a lot less stiff and a lot more human. 🤖👀
Powered by battery-operated water pumps and valves, Clone Robotics' Torso mimics the human torso with artificial bones and muscles. The company plans to use this tech for robots in assembly lines, household tasks, and even telehealth. |
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3. Hey Siri, Are You Eavesdropping? Duh! Apple to Pay $95 Million to Settle Lawsuit |
Apple, a company that touts its privacy focus, has agreed to pay $95 million to settle a lawsuit accusing its virtual assistant, Siri, of eavesdropping on users.
The settlement resolves a five-year-old lawsuit alleging that Apple surreptitiously activated Siri to record conversations through iPhones and other devices equipped with the virtual assistant for more than (checks notes) a decade.
The lawsuit claimed that Siri was recording conversations even when users did not activate the virtual assistant with the trigger words, "Hey, Siri." Some of these recorded conversations were allegedly shared with advertisers to better target consumers with relevant products and services. I. Am. Shocked.
The allegations contradict Apple's commitment to protecting customer privacy, which CEO Tim Cook has often called a "fundamental human right." Just kidding; he called it a "cash cow when violated." Jokes...he called it a fundamental human right.
Apple is not admitting any wrongdoing as part of the settlement. I always tend to pay close to $100 million to settle lawsuits when I'm innocent of all wrongdoing, too. Don't you?
If the settlement is approved, tens of millions of consumers who owned iPhones and other Apple devices from September 17, 2014, through the end of last year could file claims. Eligible consumers could receive up to $20 per Siri-equipped device. Consumers are limited to seeking compensation for a maximum of five devices, and court documents estimate that only 3–5% of eligible consumers are expected to file claims.
$20 per Siri-equipped device? That means I could get like $40! Mom! And you know who'll make $29 million in fees? That's right — the attorneys. The $95 million settlement represents a small portion of the $705 billion in profits Apple has made since September 2014. Read More |
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4. Meta Taps a Republican to Talk Trump's Language |
Meta's global policy head is Nick Clegg, a former British politician whose commitment before being elected as deputy prime minister was not to raise tuition fees at British universities. Ask anybody in Britain what Nick Clegg is famous for, and it's breaking that promise. Later he said: "It was a pledge made with the best of intentions — but we should not have made a promise we were not absolutely sure we could deliver."
Yup. He became a toxic brand, subsequently left the country and has since banked £24 million in share sales at Meta. Maybe he's planning to pay it all back to the British students whose fees he inflated, now he's back at home?
Clegg is stepping down to be replaced by a man with even more integrity, Republican Joel Kaplan. Mark Zuckerberg may have promised to make Meta "less political" last year, but he gave $1 million to Donald Trump's inauguration fund and knows which side his bread is buttered, ahem, politically.
Kaplan's tenure as the White House deputy chief of staff during George W. Bush's administration seasoned him in the corridors of power. His past interactions — including support for Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh and connections with Trump and Vice President-elect JD Vance — signal a potentially smoother rapport with the incoming administration. Meanwhile Clegg's legacy at Meta, particularly in the wake of the Cambridge Analytica scandal, will be remembered for steering the company through stormy waters. I can't say I'm a huge fan of his (personally, you understand), but I sure am jealous of all that money he's made! Read More |
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5. Cinemark: $5 'Bring Your Own' Popcorn Bucket Deal |
Imagine carrying your favorite popcorn container — be it a cherished film-themed bucket, a beloved family heirloom bowl, or a uniquely crafted DIY project — into your local Cinemark theater. Now picture that container being filled to the brim with warm, buttery, freshly popped popcorn for just $5. Tell me you've had a more exciting dream in your entire life, and I won't believe it's true. Now, guess what? The dream comes true on Sunday, January 19th. Just ensure it's "clean" and "doesn't exceed the generous 400-ounce limit."
Popcorn can have a profit margin of 70–1,000%, depending on the markup, making it one of the most profitable things you can sell, anywhere, after imported cheese and government secrets. Which would you rather eat, though? The Pentagon Papers, I knew it, slathered in barbecue sauce. Read More |
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