I was born in England, and in my opinion the only things worth buying from there are 1. comedy 2. music 3. pork pies 4. Scotch eggs and 5. Cadbury's chocolate. Also 6. Range Rovers. 7. Vintage Jaguars. 8. Some beer. 9. Stilton cheese and 10. an education from one of their rather more rigorous universities, but not the one I went to.
Sadly only number 6 is included in the U.S.–U.K. trade pact unveiled yesterday, touted as "historic" and, dare we say, "a great deal for America" but doing nothing for my consumption of processed pork products at knockdown prices.
That's right. Don't get too excited — turns out, it's more of a symbolic handshake than a groundbreaking economic triumph, as one economist politely implied by calling it "fine-tuning around the edges" rather than a broader solution to the trade war.
So, what's actually in this "historic" agreement? Well, U.K. steel exports won't have to deal with 25% tariffs anymore, and America gets greater access to British beef. Exciting stuff! Although if there's one thing America already has plenty of, it's beef.
U.K. ethanol tariffs are getting slashed, too, up to 1.4 billion liters. Meanwhile, British carmakers can enjoy reduced tariffs but only for up to 100,000 cars. Some things remain untouched, like the U.K.'s digital services tax that irritates U.S. tech giants. But lifting duties on airplane engines and wine is "historic," right?
More importantly, our negotiators can wave the deal in China's face in Geneva this weekend. Ni hao!
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Bill Gates on giving away the remainder of his wealth
Bill Gates — the benevolent tech wizard turned full-time philanthropist — is once again gracing us with tales of his relentless generosity. Gates plans to give away 99% of his remaining fortune to the Gates Foundation. Before you shed a tear, don't worry, there's "still a little bit more that goes to the kids" and just enough left to ensure he won't ever have to skip brunch. A true hero.
"I hope other people wallop me," Gates humbly declares, as though his dozen or so rival billionaires are vying for the gold medal in benevolence. He also encourages the rich to "pay more taxes," "save more lives," and "give more money." Bold words for a man who still has "just a bit over $100 billion outside of the foundation."
Gates assures us that his wealth will all be spent within 20 years, which, to be fair, is progressive for a foundation. Many of these organizations essentially exist to pay their staff in perpetuity, in my experience.
"Many of these diseases will be eradicated," he claims optimistically, talking about malaria and polio, although perhaps forgetting we're still debating vaccines and public health funding.
Meanwhile, Gates revels in "second-guessing critics" and pleads for more feedback. I've got some for him, actually, if he's really interested to hear it.
Emirates reports record profit as staff get 22-weeks pay as bonus
My friend has an aunt who gets a cabin on international Emirates flights for her dog.
With a record $5.2 billion in annual profits, the Dubai-based carrier crowned itself "the world's most profitable airline" this week. They also generously rewarded their workers with 22 weeks' pay as a bonus — because, obviously, their $34.9 billion in revenue has plenty of wiggle room.
CEO Sheikh Ahmed bin Saeed Al Maktoum affirmed, "Volatility is not new to our industry. We simply adapt and navigate around these challenges." In other words, Emirates makes billions while flying passengers everywhere but offering unions nowhere.
Don't let Emirates' profits distract you from the airline's appeal as "more than a transport company." Dubai's ruler, Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, described it as "a tool for economic transformation."
Speaking of economic transformation, I could always use a bonus of 22 weeks' pay, if there are any such offers going here at Cheddquarters. No? Anyone?
Meet the new inductees to the World Video Game Hall of Fame
The illustrious World Video Game Hall of Fame in Rochester, New York is where pixelated legends go to retire with some well-earned glory. This year's lineup, the Class of 2025, is here to remind us all about the good old days. Four games: Defender, Tamagotchi, GoldenEye 007, and Quake have joined the ranks of eternal greatness.
First off, let's marvel at "Defender," the 1981 arcade game that defined the term "quarter muncher." It kept youthful palms sweaty and allowances depleted. Maker Williams Electronics clearly had a vendetta against casual gamers. Defender's punishing gameplay raised the level of competition in arcades, and it was among the first games to truly separate dedicated players from more casual ones.
Next up, the pixelated pet rock that took over the '90s: "Tamagotchi."Launched in 1996, Tamagotchi turned kids everywhere into responsible pet owners…sort of. It provided players with feelings of connection, caring, and customization — a respite from competition and fighting games.
Then, there's "GoldenEye 007," the reason many a Nintendo 64 controller needed replacing. Based on the James Bond film "GoldenEye," this 1997 gem brought split-screen multiplayer to the masses. It was the common ground where friends turned on each other, and friendships were temporarily ruined in four-person mode.
Lastly, we have "Quake," the game that brought us true 3D graphics and showed the world what a first-person shooter should be. Debuted in 1996, Quake's game engine is basically the DNA of modern gaming. Its code continues to be present in modern games, decades after release.
Apple $AAPL ( ▲ 0.63% ) , not content with just your hard-earned cash for its gadgets, is now eyeing a slice of Google's $GOOGL ( ▲ 1.92% ) pie by adding AI-powered search options to its Safari browser.
Apple plans to partner with OpenAI and Perplexity AI and add them as search options, signaling the dawn of a new era. Meanwhile, Google saw its stock plunge by 7.3%, wiping off $150 billion in market value.
"What's next?" you wonder. Well, I asked Google's NotebookLM to "imagine the illustrious future life of the author of this newsletter, 20 years from now." At first it told me it couldn't imagine anything, but I told it to use its imagination and be optimistic.
It predicts my "expanded influence and impact," status as a "renowned thought leader," "master storyteller and media innovator," "mentor and educator," and "advisor to global leaders."
Seriously though guys, I'd settle for that 22-week bonus.
