What’s with NYC mayors and marriage?

Jul 06, 2023

Bill de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane McCray.

Former New York Mayor Bill de Blasio and his wife, Chirlane McCray, said the rigors of public life took a serious toll on their bond. | Bebeto Matthews/AP Photo

Rudy Giuliani split from his wife while he was mayor. Ed Koch was a (closeted) bachelor. Michael Bloomberg was divorced. Eric Adams has never married. And now Bill de Blasio is separated.

In fact, only one recent New York City mayor was wed to his wife for several decades.

Newsday’s Matt Chayes noted this fact on Twitter on Wednesday, after The New York Times published its summertime talker about de Blasio’s conscious uncoupling from longtime spouse Chirlane McCray.

The exception was, of course, David Dinkins. He was married to his wife Joyce for over 60 years until her death just a month before his.

What’s going on with the rest of them? Is it the extreme narcissism of politicians? The demands of the job? The pressures of the spotlight?

It’s likely a combination of the above, according to four Brooklyn-based couples therapists who spoke to POLITICO about the pattern.

“It might just be hard to nurture a marriage and give it the energy and commitment it needs, and also devote yourself full-time to the work of the mayor,” said Ladi Agahiu, a psychoanalyst.

“I commend our prior mayor and his wife for openly discussing the challenges and choosing what might be an unconventional path,” Agahiu said. (De Blasio and McCray plan to continue living together while dating other people.)

Couples counselor Joseph Teskey said the power imbalance inherent in many political marriages can make the unions untenable.

“If one person’s job always takes precedence over everything else that’s going on, there’s just no way around it. It’s going to be hard on the relationship,” Teskey said.

Barbara D’Amato, a psychoanalyst who practices in both Brooklyn and Manhattan, agreed about the problems with asymmetrical relationships.

“Resentment builds for the partners. You have this huge, powerful person and your partner is this intimate person on the sidelines. I don’t see how a relationship could possibly survive,” D’Amato said.

Then there’s the reality that New York City mayors — even those who claim their careers were preordained by God — are just like the rest of us with our imperfect personal lives and nontraditional families.

“Marriage and the conceptions of marriage are all changing significantly over time,” said psychologist Diana Morozov. “Divorce rates are very high in general."

IT’S THURSDAY.

WHERE’S KATHY? In Erie County with no immediate schedule.

WHERE’S ERIC? No public event scheduled.

QUOTE OF THE DAY: “We’re overworked and underpaid. Like if the paycheck was worth it, we’d go home and we didn’t have to think about where we’re gonna get our next meal,” said Angie Alburquerque, a member of FDNY EMS Local 2507, in regards to EMTs and paramedics being underpaid by the city.

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ABOVE THE FOLD

SECOND AVENUE SUBWAY: The Metropolitan Transportation Authority is moving forward with plans for Phase 2 of the Second Avenue Subway, which opened in 2017 and carried about 200,000 passengers a day before the Covid-19 pandemic.

Gov. Kathy Hochul said Wednesday the MTA is starting with the solicitation of the first contract for construction of the future extension of the Second Avenue Subway to 125th Street in Harlem. The expansion is critical for a poor community that relies heavily on public transit.

As part of this announcement, the MTA unveiled new conceptual renderings of the proposed stations for the extension.

WHAT CITY HALL IS READING

MTA’s congestion pricing plan means big upgrades for NYC transit, by Gothamist’s Stephen Nessen

Ageism in NYC is a serious issue with 29% of young New Yorkers feeling seniors shouldn’t work: poll, by New York Post’s Carl Campanile

Mayor Eric Adams looks to house migrants in empty NYC public schools over the summer, by New York Post’s Carl Campanile: “Possible temporary shelters include New Dorp HS on Staten Island, Mark Twain Middle School for the Gifted and Talented in Coney Island and Russell Sage Middle School in Forest Hills, sources said. There are 20 to 30 schools being closely looked at to process and temporarily shelter migrants, according to the sources."

The First Responders Left Behind In New York’s Healthcare Worker Revolt, by THE CITY's Claudia Irizarry Aponte: ”[W]orkers routinely put in 10 to 20 hours of overtime a week — either to boost their meager pay, which starts at the equivalent of $18.94 an hour — or because they are called on to supplement staffing at emergency services stations that have a high volume of calls.”

WHAT ALBANY'S READING

Ruth Bader Ginsburg is first addition to Albany’s Million Dollar Staircase in 125 years, by Gothamist’s Jon Campbell

How Harrison supervisor spent thousands in taxpayer money on security for his office, by Lohud’s Asher Stocker and Jonathan Bandler: “Besides the security upgrades to his office, Dionisio had the town acquire a new 2023 Chevrolet Tahoe for his official and personal use earlier this year, according to invoices obtained by The Journal News/lohud. That came at a cost of nearly $46,000.”

New law lowers age for lifeguards at summer camps in New York, by Spectrum News’ Nick Reisman

Must listen: The Capitol Pressroom host David Lombardo is out with the first installment of the “Justice for All” series. It highlights how the state reformed care for vulnerable New Yorkers with special needs over the past four decades.

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AROUND NEW YORK

— Sharks in the water: Four shark bites were reported off of Long Island beaches. (Gothamist)

— 7 people were shot in less than two hours overnight in Rochester. (Democrat and Chronicle)

— Allison Mack, the actress convicted in the NXIVM case, was released from prison. (Times Union)

SOCIAL DATA BY DANIEL LIPPMAN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY: CBS’ John Dickerson … Jill Zuckman of SKDK … CNN’s Athena Jones … Zachary Karabell … CNBC’s Dan Colarusso … Gabriela Meléndez-Olivera … Kimberly Dozier … Ron Fournier … Whit Rhymes … (was Wednesday): Roger Hertog ... Rabbi Eric Yoffie ... Myron Schulman ... Hadassah CEO Naomi Adler ... Gary Shteyngart (h/ts Jewish Insider)

MAKING MOVES — Stu Loeser & Co. is adding to its roster of public relations professionals: Tyrone Stevens, who worked on Scott Stringer’s mayoral campaign, is the firm’s new vice president for media strategy. Kinami Wexler and Alex Coopersmith are joining the team as media strategists.

WEEKEND WEDDING — Elan Cooperman to Sydney Berger, via NYT’s Nell Gallogly: “Mr. Cooperman graduated with a bachelor’s degree in journalism from the University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. His personal passion for sports is apparent in his career choice at Sorare, a fantasy sports cryptocurrency-based gaming company, where he works as a content program manager. ... Ms. Berger graduated with a degree in public policy from the University of Michigan. She is a director of social media and communications at Thrive Global, a behavioral change technology company.” With a pic

Real Estate

That empty feeling: Available office space in Manhattan reaches all-time high, by The Real Deal’s Jeff Andrews: “The report is another sign of how much the office market is struggling and the extent to which tenants have the upper hand in negotiating leases."

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