Dec 24, 2024

Your Charms Are Like a Siren's to Odysseus

Odysseus Feta, as we all know, is a goat's and sheep's milk cheese manufactured in Greece, carefully ripened in small old wooden barrels using traditional methods. Odysseus, meanwhile, had the foresight to insist that his men lash him to the mast of his ship before they passed by the sirens, so that he would be unable to tear himself free, rush ashore, and into their tempting yet fatal clutches, enticed by their fabled, Sabrina Carpenter–esque songs. He put wax in his mens' ears, too, which I feel only showed about 60% commitment to their welfare compared to that of his own — drawing sharp parallels with me, the author of this newsletter. And I am just as immune to your blandishments! You can try to buy me for $8,000 to $12,000, but you'll find that my integrity is entirely intact until we get into $15,000 territory where it gets… waxier.

Meanwhile, there are cheddlines you absolutely Need2Know this Christmas Eve. One of which is that Tiny Tim is probably not going to make it past Boxing Day if Mr. Scrooge doesn't give Bob Cratchit a raise. So, act accordingly!

God bless us, everyone!

—Matt Davis, Need2Know Chedditor

1. Musk Won't Be 'President Musk,' Says 'President'-Elect Trump

President-elect Donald Trump has addressed a topic that's been on many minds lately: Elon "President Musk" Musk's increasing influence. Dismissing speculation about Musk usurping his position, Trump said in Phoenix: "He's not going to be president."

Although that sounds a bit like when you say, "I'm definitely going to lose weight in 2025."

Like, the lady doth protest too much? Speaking of ladies, memes over the weekend have cast Trump as first lady to Musk's President Musk, something both will both have loved, I'm sure. Others have shown Musk at the president's desk in the Oval Office, and Trump cast in the role of butler. They're quite cutting! I'm frankly surprised such satire is still legal in a country that prizes free speech above everything.

Musk, born in South Africa, does not meet the natural-born-citizen requirement to hold the presidential office in the United States. ~~Then again neither did Barack Obama.~~ Musk's political maneuvers reached a high point recently when he played a pivotal role in derailing an emergency spending measure, albeit temporarily, before a handful of Republican congressmen went against Trump's wishes and passed a version of the bill to avoid a government shutdown, anyway. Musk had threatened them all with primary challenges if they did it, and yet? They went ahead and did it, just like Nike told them to.

I'm personally excited for the next chapter in this saga, and just delighted to note that my 401(k) is already down significantly from its highs in early December. I should probably have invested it all in Tesla stock or Bitcoin, but I'm an idiot with a diversified portfolio and a patient, long-term strategy. #NotFinancialAdvice Read More

2. It's Wedding Bells for Nissan and Honda!

We are gathered here today to witness the union of Japan's second- and third-largest automakers, Honda Motor and Nissan Motor. With the aim of creating one of the world's largest auto groups, the duo looks to fortify their positions in a sector undergoing a costly technological revolution. Sadly, they'll be keeping their brands and operating under a holding company—till death do they part?—which means no new car brand for all of us speculators.

Hissonda (I'm going there anyway) signed a memorandum of understanding to formally commence merger discussions yesterday. Their plan is to unite their operations by August 2026. The move appears to be a game changer for both, particularly for Nissan, which has been striving to recover from falling sales through job cuts and production slashes. In other words, Nissan is marrying up.

The impetus for the merger arises from the shifting tides toward electric vehicles (EVs). The proposed union could see them ascend as the third-largest automaker group globally, trailing behind Toyota and Volkswagen, and command a workforce of around 325,000 employees. By integrating their businesses, Honda and Nissan anticipate standardizing vehicle foundations and amplifying production, which, in turn, would reduce development costs and liberate funds for innovation, particularly in software creation. However, achieving success in mergers is notoriously challenging—just ask my ex-wife! History is riddled with failed mergers such as DaimlerChrysler, AOL Time Warner, and Brad Pitt and everyone.

Additionally, both companies have experienced setbacks with prior partnerships, such as Nissan's split from Renault, because it's impossible to do business with the French, and Honda's abandoned EV development plan with General Motors. The main question is whether this consolidation can keep pace with competitors like Tesla and China's BYD, leaders in EVs and software updates akin to those in smartphones. Like I told you: invest in Tesla stock. #NotFinancialAdvice

If anyone has any objections, speak now or forever hold your car keys. Read More

From @cheddar

Could Toyota's basketball-playing robot be the future of the game? 🤖🏀 CUE just set a world record for the longest basketball shot by a humanoid robot. Did it go in? Guess you're gonna have to watch the 'gram.

Follow @cheddar on Instagram!

3. Will You Get a $1,400 Check From the IRS?

Yes, if you earned less than $75,000 in 2021! You're welcome.

The Internal Revenue Service is sending up to $1,400 to about 1 million American taxpayers. The initiative aims to distribute the Covid-19 stimulus checks from 2021 that many eligible recipients did not claim.

Are you eligible? Well, eligibility revolves around the adjusted gross income levels for the tax year 2021. Single filers whose income was $75K or less in 2021 qualify, and married filers who made less than $150K will qualify.

The IRS automatically sends payments to qualifying taxpayers, and no action is necessary apart from having filed a 2021 tax return (you must do so by April 15, 2025, to be eligible for the credit—and if you haven't filed your 2021 taxes by then, you've got some real problems).

The good news is that with inflation being what it is, $1,400 is probably just enough to cover the cost of groceries, dry cleaning, or dinner, if you happen to be a Florida congressman. Wait… Read More

4. Can You Believe This Guy Paid for Drugs and Sex?

I never forget a face, but in the case of Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) I'll be glad to make an exception.

The House Ethics Committee released an 11-page ledger detailing payments from accounts said to be belong to Gaetz, sent to women in exchange for drugs, sex, or Netflix, which as we all know sounds a lot more innocent when you write it on Venmo. Or you can just write "pizza" like I do when I am "tipping" my "hairdresser." It "covers" the gamut, which is not a euphemism.

The ledger released by the committee shows a range of descriptions used when sending the payments. They include "groceries," "dry clean," "dinner" and "reimbursement," as well as "Relaxation" and "Being my friend."

Hold on. What if Gaetz simply found it relaxing to get his dry cleaning done? I know I do! And in Manhattan, I imagine the prices dry cleaners charge could easily cover the cost of a sex worker's services down in Florida. Especially if you're getting a pair of Agnès B. pants cleaned. No? "From 2017 to 2020, Representative Gaetz made tens of thousands of dollars in payments to women that the Committee determined were likely in connection with sexual activity and/or drug use," the report said, failing to use "who" instead of "that."

Gaetz has denied ever paying anyone for sex (including my hairdresser) and has stated that allegations of "illicit drug use" were also false. So. Trump nominated him to be attorney general, but that's not happening anymore, apparently, because there is still such a thing as a moral line in American politics.

You know what else is cheap? Read More

5. Gas Prices Are at Their Lowest Since 2020. Thanks, Obama!

I drove an Audi Quattro to Virginia from New York City last Friday, and that puppy could move — from zero to sixty in about six seconds, and what a joy it was to pass all the Delaware truckdrivers with aplomb. The speakers are made by Bang & Olufsen. The leather seats are heated and so is the steering wheel. Something I noticed is that when you pass another Audi driver, they also like to get into a little race with you to see who the bigger man is. I enjoyed winning such races repeatedly and often, especially with my 3-year-old in the back. It was a true joy, which I'm sure Jesus Christ himself would have urged me to experience from the manger.

When I got to Virginia, I remembered I must fill up with gas, and to my amazement, it cost $44 for 12 gallons.

"Greatest country on Earth," I yelled at the pump, because to fill up in my native England with the same amount of so-called "petrol" right now would be $166, or £132. And they wonder why the British Empire fell. Idiots.

This Christmas, drivers across the United States are set to experience a welcome reprieve at the pump, with the lowest holiday gas prices we've seen since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic. That's according to GasBuddy, a popular app that collects and analyzes gas price data from across the nation.

The average price of gasoline in the U.S. is expected to drop to $3.01 a gallon on Christmas Day. This anticipated price point marks a slight decrease from the $3.10 average of last year and is significantly lower than the record high of $3.26 seen in 2021. It's worth noting that the national average for gas prices on Christmas Day was significantly lower before the pandemic, at just $2.26 a gallon in 2020, $2.54 in 2019, and $2.29 in 2018.

But what is history for, anyway? Read More